Asking Questions and Seeking Harmony

I'm a questioner, as my wife likes to say. I question things all the time, big things and little things. I like to ask the question behind the question. It's not good enough for me to ask what we should have for dinner; I like to ask why dinner as a concept even exists. 

As you might imagine, this can be quite annoying at times, probably because to a questioner, nothing is ever settled and people like a certain amount of settled stability. When you're hungry the last thing you want is someone questioning the existence of set meal times.

If a question turns up new information, I'm willing to experiment with change, to see if the change works. Sometimes it doesn't work and I need to start over. I'm good at starting over because then I get to ask new questions. I like going back to first principles. First principles means: why do we do what we do in the first place? What's the point?

The pandemic has raised a lot of questions about how people live and work and use their time -- in some ways this is exciting because we have a good reason to rethink our systems. Why do we go to work in a building five days a week? Why do kids do what they do in school? Exciting to think about. Also, in some ways, very very unsettling. 

In the midst of unsettledness, we reach for what soothes us. For me, it might be a glass bottle of wine or some Beach Buggy Racing 2 on the ipad. For my wife, it might be doing a puzzle or going for a walk. For the kids, it might be running around like maniacs (they don't know how to self soothe in a calm way very often). Anyway, the idea is that we loosen up our systems and habits because hey, it's a pandemic. Would you really clean the house today if you knew the moon would explode tomorrow? Crises cause us to rethink priorities. Ok, and if the moon doesn't explode, eventually you need to clean the house.

I was thinking that maybe we were past the point, in this pandemic, of soothing; perhaps getting closer to the point of normalcy. Enough wine and video games, it's time to get back to normal, get stuff done. Not so fast. Normal could be a while. 

But, I'm also questioning current soothing methods because they aren't so soothing anymore. Come to think of it I've eaten a ton of pizza too. I love pizza but literally a ton. It's time to go for balance, to rethink habits, maybe not pre-pandemic habits but better habits. This is how we get to the insufferable idea of "back to better" instead of back to normal.

And, I should mention the kids. Everyone says kids need stability and routine, and here we are as uncertain as ever. It's hard to know how the kids are really processing all this. We've tried to help them in various ways, sometimes with short term treats and concessions. Problem is, short term concessions are becoming longer term bad habits. 

I'm a big believer in choices. If I want something to change, I need to figure out what that change looks like, and make choices to hopefully get there. For the kids, I need to help them with some choices. It's not easy because they are young with immature brains and they would literally eat cookies for "dinner" until they get sick. 

But here's the thing ... yes, I'm going to question all of what I've written to this point ... what's the point? What is the point of all the habits and the balance and everything? Without getting too spiritual here, I would say the point is "the good life," which is essentially being in harmony with oneself and one's purpose, with others (especially loved ones), and with the wider world and all its messiness. If you can do that, you can be in a pandemic and be ok. You can be rich, poor, tall, short, or whatever, and live the good life. How do we get there? 

Back to habits. We need to align some good habits with the good life. Here's an example. To be in harmony with myself, I need to feel good physically, and therefore I can't eat pizza 3 times in a week. Just can't. To be in harmony with my kids, I can't entertain them all the time or badger them all the time. I'll get exhausted. For my kids to be in harmony with each other, they can't be together every second. Eventually they will reach a saturation point and need a break. And so on.

Habits are difficult if we try to create them all at once. Too much discipline can backfire. That's why I like thinking of this in terms of balance and harmony rather than discipline and rule making. I don't want to be in the military; I want to be in a hotel spa. Some calm music, pleasant smells; the goal is health, not combat; people are helpful because they want you to be well, not just to survive.

Ok, so now to try better habit forming in a practical sense by folding in one more concept: single tasking. We live in an age of multitasking and it can be useful, but I fear losing the ability to focus on one thing at a time. It's the only way to experience flow, the true joy of productive concentration. In the context of habits, single tasking means forming one habit at a time. 

I'm not sure I'll write about the particular habits I'm after -- no need for too much personal information to be on a blog. Writing about the process helps. 

One other semi-related point that hits me: objectively, I can't complain about some very real milestones of life that I'm reaching, pandemic or not. I'm reaching financial goals and career goals. In some ways 2020 has been my best year. I'm improving self-awareness but a long way to go, too many unconscious boneheaded mistakes. My family is healthy. It's been a great year. The challenge, now, is living in harmony with the great and the difficult. 

INVESTMENT CHECK

I was very bearish heading into 2020, and my exposure to stocks was minimal. The corona crash allowed me to start being more aggressive -- although 38% treasuries and 28% stocks is still not extremely aggressive. 

There's certainly risk right here, but as I keep reminding myself, we already had the Corona crash. It was fast, but we had it. In 2009, I made the mistake of continually expecting another crash. 2010, 2011, 2012 ... a lot of time wasted worrying about stocks and ignoring great companies. 

In 2020, it wasn't until a month or two after the bottom that I really shifted toward disruptive companies that I like to call New Tech and New Retail. At the time, I worried it was too late. Not so.

There are a lot of overvalued companies so I watch these positions closely. If the fundamental story changes and a company loses investor interest, it can be a long road back. On the other hand, just one long term investment in a winner can make a portfolio. 

I should mention Biotech, which is an outlier here. I've always been fascinated by biotech. I used to watch a basket of innovative companies (Regeneron, Alexion, Alnylam) ... but I was too timid, worrying about "the market." If I'd bought that basket and held, the basket would be up between 2,000 - 5,000 % over 10 years.  I think that could happen again now amidst advances in genetic therapies. We'll see.

Taking a step back, let's take a look at the broader asset mix of my investments. 

It's eclectic. I focus most days on stocks, because those are positions I can control more readily, but my largest position is actually really boring treasuries. Then there's a smattering of Farmland, commercial RE, a share of a business (storage), and miscellaneous. The big change this year, however, has been a bigger move into stocks. 

The point of this is to help decision making, so what do these charts tell me?

First, it tells me that these sectors are working. I don't want to be too diversified, but I might consider which other sectors might be ripe. 

Second, I can see that although it feels risky out there, my asset mix is not full of risk. In fact, if I think stocks will have a good 2021 -- post-pandemic, easy money policy, pent up demand / roaring 20s scenario -- I should consider increasing exposure on any pullbacks. We may have a short pullback here in December.

Returning to first principles, what is the point of this whole investing endeavor? Answer: aside from personal amusement, it's to grow assets so that when the time comes to stop working, we are prepared to do so. That said, even if these assets lose value, if plans don't work out, my goal is to be content with the process and seek harmony no matter the circumstance. Investing is just one part of life, and not the most important part.