Life Changing Events

Everyone has life changing moments, good or bad, that act as forks in the road. After the event, nothing is the same as before. I'll never forget the day my parents announced they were splitting up even though I had very little understanding of what was going on. I'll never forget meeting my wife; where I was on 9/11 (Paris); getting my first job offer; missing out on a job I wanted; finding out I was going to be a dad (of twins). Some moments are bigger than others. Some of them are expected and some appear out of nowhere. 

My brother just had a life changing event. His company is being bought by a larger company and he will make loads of money. I have a tinge of jealousy because he is set for life, but he's always been successful and generous so my jealousy is quickly gone. My family has been lucky in that our life changing events have been mostly positive.

What's strange about the pandemic is it's a drawn out we-never-know-when-it-will-end life changing event. It's not a car crash. It's like moving to a hostile country or going to a warzone. Every day is a reminder that you are not comfortable, you are missing the path in life that is more comfortable. There was a fork in the road but the new roads are close enough together that you can see, quite clearly, that the parallel alternate road (the one you are not on) is much nicer than the one you are on. That one is paved, this one is bumpy. 

I was thinking this as I drove my kids to the park. On our parallel road we would've been going to a soccer game. On this road we are social distancing. 

My kids seem to be taking all this mostly in stride but it's much clearer to me that we will never get those games back. 

At the same time, there's room on this road for more forks, for more life changing events. My brother, for example, just had one. My wife and I are doing well and I'm an optimist. We are moving in a couple weeks to a house, we are saving money and investing, we are still gainfully employed, we are continuing to shape our lives in positive ways. Every day is an opportunity to flourish. 

Life can be difficult. I often think that I was blessed with the world's most difficult children. I love them but they are full of piss and vinegar. And I'm no picnic either, they will tell you. 

And yet. Life is good. Life is happening.

There is a concept in buddhism that there is no permanent and unchanging self. We like to think of ourselves as contiguous ongoing egos; this is due to memory and arguably DNA, physicality. Buddhism considers this an illusion. We are impermanent and not tied to the past. 

Impermanence can be disorienting. But, I recognize the freedom that could come from being in the present moment rather than carrying the weight of the past and the expectation of the future. If we are impermanent we are not doomed to make the same mistakes because that person does not exist. Furthermore, we don't need to look longingly at the parallel road because there is no parallel road. There is only this road, right now; there was not even a fork. Any time spent looking over there is time wasted.

An odd thought for Memorial Day which is rooted in the past but there it is.

Investment Thoughts: Quick thought here but this idea of impermanence can in fact be applied to investing. On any given day, one's portfolio should reflect what one wants to invest in at its current price/value. It does not really matter if you bought that stock last year or last week, you should only hold it if you continue to think that it is the best place to put your money in the present. Decision making based on some sort of nostalgia or alternate history is an invitation to stick with losing decisions.

What I'm Watching: Harry Potter 5.

What I'm Listening To: Florence + The Machine.

What I'm Reading: The Complete Works of Calvin and Hobbes. I like to read Calvin because it reminds me what goes on in the mind of a young boy. The world's most difficult children are like 2 Calvins without the stuffed tiger. Every day is full of pranks and chaos and madness. When I can appreciate it in the moment, it's really funny and enjoyable. Even when it's not.